Day 8

Inappropriate Steve was wearing his shirt, tie and cardigan combo. All three items were tucked into his trousers again.

Psychochick@ was a deep orange colour today, especially her neck. There was a thick smudge of orange in a line down the middle, looking like an Adam's apple that got run over by a bulldozer covered in orange paint. Psychochick’s orange appearance was out shined by Sidekick, who came in today with a Scouse Brow.

The Scouse Brow has recently become popular in Liverpool and achieving the perfect Scouse Brow has become an official Scouse Bird Problem. To achieve the Scouse Brow, the eyebrows must be dramatically emphasised using a black pen, preferably a permanent marker, to enlarge the thickness of the brow. The recommended thickness is at least double that of the original eyebrow. The beginning of the eyebrow must reach a width of at least an inch. The eyebrow then thins out, but only slightly and comes to an end at the side of the face, just below the eye. Sidekick coupled her new thick, black brows with fake eyelashes (on her eyelashes, not her eyebrow).

The curious thing about Sidekick’s new Scouse Brows was that it took me a while to realise what was different about her appearance. This is because her eyebrows blend into her forehead, the jet black shade of eyebrow being a similar shade to the dark brown shade of fake tan.

Sidekick has also dyed her hair jet black, which makes her eyebrows, forehead and hair all blend into one dark patch. Her forehead reminded me about a documentary I had once seen about a man who had spent too much time in sub-zero temperatures and subsequently lost all of the nerve endings in his foot. His foot turned black. From a distance, it looked as though Sidekick had lost all of the nerve endings in the top half of her head. Sidekick’s new look was either an effort to look more attractive or last night she fell asleep with her head in the freezer.

Inappropriate Steve didn't notice the non-human colours of Psychochick@ and Sidekick. He didn't notice that the group had finished the first task and was now enjoying the second tournament of 'Pen on your Face'. The current champion managed to throw a pen at each of the 6 contestants and succeed in getting pen ink on 4 of their faces. Psychochick@ was the next opponent. I type the number of the emergency services on my phone. Inappropriate Steve didn't notice the pens flying across the room. He didn't notice Psychochick@ shouting that her new aim was landing a pen down Fat Boy's bum crack. Inappropriate Steve stayed with his back to us unaware, he had been concentrated on scratching his crotch. 

Psychochick@ reminds Inappropriate Steve that it's time for our lunch break, ''Eh Steve, it's time for your next crab sandwich.''

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