Day 3

At lunch time today I managed to sit next to my chosen group. Why did I choose this group to be my friends? They don’t wear fake tan. They haven’t yet shown any signs of having anger issues. Two of them have degrees.  None of them have nearly got me fired. In short, I felt I could relate to these people. Fellow warthogs.

After a stressful morning of being in a group with Psychochick@, I dived right in for the intellectual conversation.

‘So, what university did you go to?’ I asked English Lit girl.

‘Edge Lane.’ That’s strange, I thought. It sounds similar to Edge Hill University- the former polytechnic that looks like a prison built in the 60’s. ‘Oh wait, I mean Edge Hill.’ Ah. I try not to, but I can’t help question the quality of her English degree.

My chosen group then settle into a conversation about how glad they are that they ordered beans with their chips, because the chips alone are quite plain and taste only of potato. The conversation begins to resemble what I imagine real warthogs would say to each other, given a voice but with the same IQ. 

I couldn’t help over hearing Psychochick@’s conversation with sidekick and Bakery Girl. They were talking about a topic that has been popular with the group over the past 3 days; Magaluf. They have all been there and they all love it. Psychochick@ works in a bar there every summer. Sidekick has been there a few times. During one holiday in Magaluf, Sidekick got drunk and got her nipple pierced. After a few days, it got infected. She no longer has the piercing; now she has more deformed scar tissue than nipple.

Two in-jokes have developed within the class. I was in the room when both began, but I’m still uncertain of how they have become a part of our group identity. I say in-jokes, Automatic Scouse Reflex is perhaps a better way to describe it. About every twenty minutes, somebody in the group will shout ‘Stephen Gerrard’, prompting the rest of the group to reply ‘wheey’.

The training that we are all currently doing involves talking about the different types of government benefits available as financial support for people. Each time the word ‘dole’ is mentioned, it is met by a chorus of the same ‘wheey’.

Towards the end of the afternoon, Psychochick@ was getting agitated. We had a lot of work to do and she wanted to finish early so she could go and meet her mum in the center of town at a quarter to five. Our working day hours are a non-negotiable 9-5. At four o’clock, Psychochick@ offered to give The Manager a blow job if he would let us go early. She laughed as she said it and it was passed off as a joke. It wasn’t a joke.

In the end, she bullied The Manager into letting us all leave at twenty five to five.

Old Woman looked out of the window 3 times for a total of 8 minutes. 

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